Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
