I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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