I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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