Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
