If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
