24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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