I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
