Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
