Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
