why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
