Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
