i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
