this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
