Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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