your parents love me but you hate me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
