I don't usually arrange sex via text message
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
