We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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