I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
