While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
