that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
