My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
