Are we in a gay sports bar?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
