i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dicks are not precious.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
