I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have tasted many bathrooms
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
