you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
