we're blogging at a bar
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
