She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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