official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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