he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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