I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
