the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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