Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
