My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize