He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
