He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
