Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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