R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
