We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
