break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
