You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
