i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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