Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
