sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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