If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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