I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
