he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
