Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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