and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't deserve a penis
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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