i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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