sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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