my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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