Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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