so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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