omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
